Thanks But Just Leave Me Alone

Dear Good Intentions but Bad Approach,

When I am tired of myself, my lousy situation and predicament, it doesn't help to remind of it to me again. And if you must, you really don't need to repeat it 3 times within a 5mins conversation.

Let me give you an example. Take for instance, someone that eats for comfort when depressed. And when that someone finally look up in the mirror and find herself fat she gets more depressed and hence eat more. All the while people with good intentions tells her she is fat and depresses her more and leads to more eating and the cycle continues. Finally one day she said to herself that she had enough and tries to get her act together. And while trying to get better, those people with good intentions tries to encourage her by reminding her how fat and ugly she was just in case she forgot. I classify these people as blamers because all they could think of is blaming the girl for not taking care of herself. At this point I just want to say to blamers thanks a lot but you just freaking makes the girl want to eat more now. End of story.

Much More Done In A Week Than 2 Years

Oh my, I have been running myself haggard the last 5 days, might have driven more than a 1000miles... more or less, rushing to make dinners for everyone and all the background work a homemaker usually do. But in the midst of all that, I saw the leaves are turning color. A sign autumn is here and winter around the corner. I love the cold weather, the cold wind in my face and all the good stuff.

What a week I've had. The biggest news is I might be back in the game! I mean job. In 2 days I drove from Cleveland TN to Greenville SC for an interview and has gotten positive reviews and a verbal offer. I am still waiting for the confirmation email though and yeah I cheat a little, I used to work there and the guy that hires me back was once my boss and we went to college together.

The not so good news is we can't stand each other as friends but do quite well working together. But what the hell I am back into the work force. Funny thing, after 2 years hiatus, I may be forgetting how to talk and verbalize my thought coherently. So a lot of things lay in my future, work my butt off to show my worth, lose 50lbs and lead an healthier lifestyle, get my thoughts/act together so that I actually look like someone with a life and not hiding in my own cave.

I think I have been to the mall more than 6 times in a mere few days. Hubby's cousin came for a visit for fall break and I had no idea where to take her, hence we frequent the mall. Not that there were a lot of stuff happening in a small town mall but it got us out of the house. Hubby should have taken a day off to take us somewhere and didn't. So YOUR FAULT!

Coming Out of Darkness

Suddenly I realized that my few recent posts has been dark. I didn't mean to and I didn't realize I'm doing it. I was just writing what was happening and what was on my mind.

Today I am going to change. First of all, I want to announce that I finally finished reading East of Eden from John Steinbeck. I had to stayed up till 4am because I refused to leave only a few pages for the next day. Its just a few pages, a few pages to go... haha

And I went to the mall today and got a $5 scarf.. more like a head bandanna from BR and a few $2 socks. I am cheap. But I am happy to find good deals. Ahh... simple things in life.

Reflections

I am reading Karen Cheng's Big Three - OH and some feelings stirred in me.

I turned 30 a few months ago. That day itself was not exciting, nor has it been for a long time. I don't quite remember having a great birthday. I did have a few good ones when I was a teenager because my first boyfriend made a big fuss out of it. Ah... good old puppy love. Other than that, I was either alone or got angry because that someone dear was not keen of it. But I do have some really good friends who would always remember the day and send me greetings wherever I am in the world even though I haven't seen them in years.

Seeing of where I am now and looking back of where I was, I am no where near where I want to be. The day I turned 30 I am not proud of myself, I have lots of regrets and frustrations and I owe a lot to a few people. I had stopped in time and didn't move forward for almost 2 years and I am out of contacts with outside world. I went to staples and post office yesterday and didn't know how to make copies and post mails. I was close to tears and I didn't know how to go forward and improve. I am at this very dark place and I am afraid. And I have days when I am at this dark place.

But at 30, I have sincere friends and a supportive husband even though we had ups and really low downs. I am just learning how to not be influence by my mother's approval and lack of it. I had hopes that I will one day score in an interview and get hired, be able to afford mortgage and have babies, and still have time to do craft and read all the books a person should read before I die and to travel the world and not stuck in tourist traps. I also hope that I can repay everyone that has been good to me and take care of my mom and make her proud. This is my bright place to counter the dark. And I try to hold on to it for however long I can till I achieve all I hope.

And I hope I will have another 30 years.

I Am Afraid I Have Killed My Desert Rose

During my idleness I saw my desert rose branches went limp. I thought maybe they needed water. So I watered them thoroughly and was quite please with myself.

A few hours later, the perfectionist in me started to want to prune the plant. And I started with the longest branch. I didn't have to do much cutting, the branch broke out by it self quite voluntarily revealing a dark brown soggy texture. I poked at it and the cutting dripped water!

My first thought, STRANGE, and on second thought, THIS IS NOT RIGHT. So I googled about desert rose and found out that I have a root rot.

I tried to save the plant or I think I tried to save the plant. I cut off the section below the soggy area where the branch used to be and saw the darken part covered almost half of the trunk. I cut down more to get the rot off and I cut and I poked and I scraped. And the rot went all the way down to one of the root. Well, long story cut short, the picture on the right showed what's left of my once blooming beautiful desert rose.

Ohhhh... why can't I leave the plant alone and not water them. I know that its a succulent plant. But the soil was dry and so I watered. I've killed my plant.

I Am Afraid I Have Killed My Desert Rose

During my idleness I saw my desert rose branches went limp. I thought maybe they needed water. So I watered them thoroughly and was quite please with myself.

A few hours later, the perfectionist in me started to want to prune the plant. And I started with the longest branch. I didn't have to do much cutting, the branch broke out by it self quite voluntarily revealing a dark brown soggy texture. I poked at it and the cutting dripped water!

My first thought, STRANGE, and on second thought, THIS IS NOT RIGHT. So I googled about desert rose and found out that I have a root rot.

I tried to save the plant or I think I tried to save the plant. I cut off the section below the soggy area where the branch used to be and saw the darken part covered almost half of the trunk. I cut down more to get the rot off and I cut and I poked and I scraped. And the rot went all the way down to one of the root. Well, long story cut short, the picture on the right showed what's left of my once blooming beautiful desert rose.

Ohhhh... why can't I leave the plant alone and not water them. I know that its a succulent plant. But the soil was dry and so I watered. I've killed my plant.

Idleness

The past few days was rather uninspiring. I can't seem find a knitting project to start, I don't seem to be interested anything and days passed without anything done. I am afraid I will have more of these days.

I have however, stood staring out the window and saw stormy sky.



Stood in my balcony and saw that I have a lot of chillies on my chilli plant.



My rosemary, spearmint, peppermint, sage, paisley and lemon balm are due for a harvest.



And reminds me that everything around me are growing, moving and producing... when will be my turn?

Chinese Lyrics

Oh I grew up in the 90s in Asia and I LOVE chinese pop music. But I can't read a single chinese characters and I remember the times when I propped in front of a cassette player with my favorite chinese tape, pressing stop and play, stop and play every few seconds to translate these chinese songs into pin yin (hey, I was kid.. not a cool one.. I know I know). So I live in a household full of people that reads chinese and brother and I were the only 2 yellow bananas and nobody seems interested to help.

ANYWAY... internet is a good thing, and good friend that can't read chinese and are interested in chinese music is a better thing. My bestest bff (LOL) Zakiya found this!

Faye Wong - Love Letter For Self lyrics

(CANTONESE PRONOUNCIATION)

ceng but you fui sam
lei ya huey yao yan dou gei
lai yong mong dou tai gou
ying dai dei ji yao ji gei...

I will be singing in the shower tonight....

Ravelry

Yay!!! I was invited to join ravelry today. I spent all my free time today browsing and getting familiar around the place and have already found lots of future knitting projects. The place is great. Look for me, sparklyheaven when you are there. :)

Ravelry

Yay!!! I got invited to join ravelry today. I spent all my free time today browsing and getting familiar around the place and have already found lots of future knitting projects. The place is great. Look for me, sparklyheaven when you are there. :)

Vintage, Antique and Estate Sale

I saw some really awesome vintage jewelry from Etsy.com and some said its from estate sale. What is an estate sale? Can I go to estate sale myself and find good stuff like that and cutting out the middlemen? Where do I find estate sale? One question leads to another. But first and foremost, what is an estate sale?

This is the definition from wikipedia..
"An estate sale is a type of garage sale, yard sale or auction to dispose of the majority of the materials owned by a person who is deceased or will be moving."

Ekkk... from a person who is deceased? hmm.. felt kinda bad and guilty and not to mention the thought of ghosts! Who am I kidding, antiques and vintage has to belong to someone, and someone or anyone will pass sooner or later. Do I still want to go to estate sale? No... kinda. Do I still find the antique and vintage jewelry pretty? Yes.

Bamboo Adventure

Meet my mini bamboo in the kitchen. Everything was growing fine except for a little twig that grew astray and away from the body. I have been staring at the little twig a thousand times when cooking and doing dishes. So yesterday, while waiting for water to boil... the most boring thing in the world, I can't stand it anymore and started to mess around with the plant. With bamboo skewers and kitchen twine I poked, staked, twisted, turned and tied the stray part to the bamboo skewers and hope that it will grow to the shape I want.

Bamboo Adventure

Meet my mini bamboo in the kitchen. Everything was growing fine except for a little twig that grew astray and away from the body. I have been staring at the little twig a thousand times when cooking and doing dishes. So yesterday, while waiting for water to boil... the most boring thing in the world, I can't stand it anymore and started to mess around with the plant. With bamboo skewers and kitchen twine I poked, staked, twisted, turned and tied the stray part to the bamboo skewers and hope that it will grow to the shape I want.

A Little Bounty From The Garden...

Oh look, CHILLIES from my garden. I still have many green ones hanging there waiting to turn red. I think I can make sambal for my fried noodles. Yumm...

A Little Bounty From The Garden...

Oh look, CHILLIES from my garden. I still have many green ones hanging there waiting to turn red. I think I can make sambal for my fried noodles. Yumm...